The Cost of Avoidance

There have been so many moments in my life where I stayed silent even when every part of me wanted to speak.

In relationships, I have sat in discomfort, unsure how to voice that something didn’t feel right. The silence would thicken until it felt like I was trapped inside it. I would replay conversations later and think of everything I could have said but didn’t.

On stage as a hairdresser, assisting in front of an audience, I felt exposed. Every move was being watched. The person I was assisting would sometimes snatch tools from my hands or correct me sharply, loud enough for everyone to hear. My chest would tighten, my face would flush, and I would shrink into myself. I wanted to speak up, to ask for softness or respect, but the fear of looking foolish in front of everyone kept my mouth shut. So I smiled, nodded, and stayed quiet even though inside, I was crumbling.

Even in smaller moments, like meeting new people, I often held back. I told myself it was easier to stay quiet than risk being judged. If I didn’t try, I couldn’t fail. If I didn’t speak, I couldn’t be rejected. That logic made sense to my mind, but every time I avoided something that scared me, I felt my confidence drain away.

Why Avoidance Feels Safer

Looking back, I can see what was really happening underneath those moments.

It wasn’t just fear of being wrong or looking silly. It was deeper than that. It felt like it wasn’t safe to be me.

Every time I spoke and someone reacted with harshness or dismissal, my body stored it. My nervous system learned that being seen meant danger, and withdrawing meant safety. So avoidance became my shield.

What I know now is that fear of being seen or heard isn’t who you are, it’s what your body learned to do to keep you safe.

When your body associates visibility with pain, it will do anything to protect you from it, even if that protection keeps you small.

Finding the Root Through Breakthroughs

When I started studying Counselling and Psychotherapy, I learned how silence can be powerful in the right context as a way to listen deeply and hold space. But the silence and avoidance I was living in weren’t power. They were fear.

During my NLP Master Practitioner training, I experienced breakthroughs in self, family, and business that helped me see how much shame, rejection, and judgment I’d been holding onto about being seen and heard. Through Time Line Therapy®, I was able to trace those feelings back to their original memories and release them.

A breakthrough works by finding the taproot belief — the one that branches into every part of your life. When that belief is released, everything built on top of it starts to shift too.

After my breakthroughs, I noticed changes I didn’t have to force. When I caught myself avoiding situations or staying quiet in moments where I used to hide, I could feel what was happening in my body — the tightening, the urge to pull away — and gently remind myself, it’s safe to be seen, it’s safe to speak.

Each time I choose to show up now, my nervous system learns safety instead of fear.

The Reward of Showing Up

Avoidance feels protective in the moment, but it quietly erodes self trust.

The cost of staying quiet is losing connection with yourself. The reward of showing up and using your voice is freedom.

Confidence isn’t built from pushing harder; it’s built from safety. And when your nervous system finally learns that it’s safe to be seen and heard, everything in your life starts to open.

This is what I help women experience in my Breakthroughs and Breakthrough Container, the process that allows you to release old fear and step into genuine self expression.

You don’t have to keep avoiding what scares you to stay safe. You can retrain your body to believe that your voice belongs here.

👉 Explore Breakthroughs, the Breakthrough Container, or the Coaching Container here → https://shannonstrike.com/coaching-page